Anniversaries

The summer before we left on our trip, we sailed to a good friend's house on the Eastern Shore for their 40th wedding anniversary. I've known Terry for years, and I crewed on his ocean-capable sloop on his first blue water voyage - to and from Bermuda - and we wouldn't have missed the party even if we didn't have the chance to show off our new boat, ile de Grace! Many of Terry's friends are sailors as well, and as the party took shape, a number of them trickled down to his dock to check out our little catamaran. To a one, the men all seemed to have the same reaction when I talked of our circumnavigation plans: "You are so lucky to be married to someone who sails and shares your dream."

I am lucky. I met Jennifer in August 1981, as we both began our graduate studies at Princeton. A few months later, we sailed my parents' boat, Dutch Courage, and she - and, in turn, I, was hooked. In November of that year, we joined a family friend and sailed his ketch down an ice-cold Chesapeake Bay, ending up in Beaufort, NC a few days and a few groundings later. While there were some fits and starts, we never looked back. We began to live together in the summer of 1982, and have been together ever since.

There are certain parallels between the voyages of marriage and circumnavigation, parallels I'll try not to stretch to the breaking point. In the case, of our marriage, Jennifer and I had a mostly-synchronized vision of a loving, lifelong, committed and caring relationship with children, but neither of us had any real idea of the challenges and choices we'd face along the way. Like any marriage, we've had our ups and downs - times when we were forced to examine our own and each other's hearts and souls, times when we've hurt each other and times when we've needed more of what the other person had a hard time giving. These are the painful truths of any meaningful relationship I think: two strong people, each possessed of the usual complement of strengths and weaknesses, each striving to maintain a sense of self while pursuing the common vision of a mutual commitment to a lifelong union, blessed in a church, before our friends and family.

I am lucky that one of us - Jennifer - is possessed of uncommon doses of patience, foresight, and forgiveness, traits that have kept our marriage on course even when the road got rocky. After 27 years of marriage, and the last 18 months of intimate, unceasing partnership, I see us achieving our shared vision of a lifelong union more clearly than ever.

Deciding to embark on this circumnavigation required an equal leap of faith; I've written about some of the challenges of 24x7x365 proximity, and we've faced some real decision points along the way between suspending our trip or completing what we set out to do. In the end, as in our marriage, Jennifer's steadfastness of purpose, patience, and flexibility have proven to be the critical attributes to our decision to sail south around Africa - postponing her lifelong dream of sailing the Red Sea and the Med - and then home to Maryland.

Trips that take a lifetime, or trips around the world are easy to imagine - even easy to embark upon. Seeing them through is another thing. I'm lucky beyond description to be married to a woman who shares my love of adventure, and possesses the strength of character to help me through the storms and squalls, even -perhaps especially - those of my own making. While we celebrate this anniversary by ourselves, we expect to host our own 40th wedding anniversary in 13 years - July 14, 2024. We hope many of you will be able to join us.