Inventory

With just the two of us on board, we sail the boat safely on our overnight passages by alternating watches: Jennifer handles the 6pm - 10pm watch, I come up for the 10pm to 2am watch, and she closes out the night from 2am to 6am.  I have a hard time sleeping when the sun is up, so it works well.  One of the natural byproducts of this watch schedule is that we each have blocks of time to ourselves.  Many of the blog postings I've written are conceived on the night watch, and on one of our recent sails, I again found myself reflecting in the solitude of an open ocean, a clear night sky, and a brisk following wind.

One of the ways I pass the time on night watches is to reflect on things I've done and not done, places I've been and want to visit, and people I've stayed close to, and those who have drifted away.

Several years ago, one of my dearest friends took her own life, and devastated a vast network of family and close friends.  Our friendship spanned 30 years; the memories of my dear friend arise often in the context of my night watch reflections, and led to this poem.


Inventory

Having lost count of the stars in the sky,
I spend my night watches taking inventory:
Recollection, regrets, recriminations, lists
Of places I meant to visit, or did, of lovers,
Of ports and passages, tugging apart
The fabric, pulling one thread to find another.

Memories yield to others:  the Cabo marina
Jumps north to your summer house in Wellfleet,
And then south to Key West and from there
You disappear, into the night sky.

I try again, this time recalling cities I mean to visit
And each list becomes the cities we never visited.
On another night, musical lists, and one song
Leads to another, and then you re-appear,
Leaning against the bar, like you'd never left.

After the concert, you left for good,
Having taken inventory and found life lacking,
As if leaving forever might complete your list.
But those around you, who loved you,
Stare at galaxies, lose count of stars,
Make lists that always bring you back.





Earlier poems here:    Banda Squalls    Austral Winter   Again and Again   Distance   Aftermath    Runes    Date Line  Celebrant    The God I Asked    If I Were A Boat  Weather Reports